Hello all
     It's been a long time since I have posted and so much of life has changed. As I stated in the first post this is my journey. I am going to be authentic and real. I am going to speak my truth as it happens to me. I will celebrate my shifts and successes along with looking at my shadows. In this humanness form I am human, rising above to connect to my higher self.
     A couple of years ago I was talking with a friend, who lived in another state, she was asking me lots of questions.  She had told me that I needed to tell my story. That it would inspire and help others. I thought to myself, I know nothing about writing.. Me write my life story and journey to help others, let alone inspire. Where do I begin?, what parts do I leave out?, Will people think I am placing myself as a victim?, Will people judge the journey I have been on? How can I make myself so venerable?  These were the questions that kept running through my head.
    Every morning I pull three cards from the Doreen Virtue archangel oracle deck.  I kept getting the creative writing card as a reminder of what is being asked of me. Archangel Gabriel, Creative Writing "Make time to write down your thoughts in a journal, or pen and article or book".  First couple of times I kind of thought it was funny, but when the card came up several times in a week, I found it gave me a charge. Well needless to say I got angry and reminded the angels and God that we are on different time tables between the realms, and they needed to lighten up on me. I told them that when I was ready I would let them know and ask for assistance and guidance, to kinda back off. They backed off, I was getting the card with less frequency.
     When a person goes within and really looks at themself, it really makes one vunerable. We are taught so many paradigms and most of them aren't for our best interest. When I go through this process I do have compassion for myself in the part I played. I always love myself and forgive myself. Some are harder to look at and it can take time to figure it out. I did make a committment to myself that I was going to be honest about what I write as this is my experience.
     To give you a little background on my beliefs, I believe in reincarnation, I believe we choose whom and what we want to learn and experience before we come down.I am very spiritual. I have never felt comfortable going to church. I don't know if it has something with me being empathic. I felt I never belonged because I felt so much confussing energy in a church. When I was 18 I walked away from the faith I was raised in which was Mormon. I know I am an indigo child and a star seed. I know this is my last life and will not incarnate on earth again.
     Moving to Utah was hard. I did it to be close to my mother. I was in a failing marriage from a man who lied and cheated our whole marriage. Being empathic I could feel things, emotions and different energies, but it is amplified. I deeply loved my husband like no other man. Our contract was to teach me that no matter what, unconditional love. I did love him unconditionally. Loving him hurt too much. When he would sleep around on me, the sexual energy he was feeling would hit me like a wave. It crushed me. Of course I was always told a lie or that I was crazy. But the energy didn't lie.
      It would send me in a depression and I felt inadequate. Here I am a positive person overcoming anything that comes my way, to feeling I wasn't worthy of true unconditional love. I took my vows seriously, as they are sacred. Here I was in a marriage where his concept is different.  So for years I tried and didn't give up. Was I being fair to myself?  I know the man I deserved to be with, share my life with. The sad thing is this is what his father taught him and I am sure this has been a long ancestral line of actions. He had no respect for his father because of how it affected him growing up and how if affected his mother.  It was a love hate energy. The cycle continued with him and now I was on the receiving end of his lineage.

Ok you beautiful people, I am getting tired and will continue the story on the next post. Love and light to you all.